Have you ever felt like you'll never reach your full potential, or have you ever gotten in the way of your own success on purpose? You can have all the credentials, all the training, and all the knowledge about a given subject and still not progress to where you want to be. That’s called “self-sabotage” and all humans are prone to it. In a nutshell, self-sabotage is being trapped in patterns that keep you from reaching your personal goals.
Self-sabotage comes from the sub-conscious part of your brain. The conscious brain (the rational brain or frontal lobe) only drives 5% of our behaviors and is associated with a beta brainwave state or an “engaged” brain, while the sub-conscious brain (emotional brain, home of the Limbic System) drives 95% of our behaviors and is associated with an alpha brainwave state or a “restful/meditative” brain. Only the conscious brain can reject information, while the sub-conscious brain believes everything it sees and hears.
The conscious brain is your first bodyguard and is charged with assessing the environment, it processes information logically. You want this part of the brain on guard, but it can be taken off duty anytime you perceive a strength disadvantage in one or more of these four pillars:
1. Physical
2. Financial
3. Spiritual
4. Mental
The subconscious brain is your second bodyguard and comes online when bodyguard number one malfunctions due to one of the perceived strength disadvantages listed above. This part of the brain finds safety with the bigger herd through copying and mirroring what everyone else is doing. It seeks immediate safety in a bigger group.
Your behavior is not organic, it is programmed. Many of us are operating off old programs from childhood that are no longer beneficial. Your environment is in control of your behavior, what we see controls how we behave. We mimic the behavior of the majority in our environment. If the subconscious perceives that being rich, successful, or thin is a threat, it will sabotage you. This part of the brain is a safety-based mechanism, and it will never fail. It oversees your survival. It scans the environment and assesses the safest behavior for you based on repetitive observations. Whatever the average is, you’re going to do that. If failure is average, success is rejected.
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re self-sabotaging, the signs can be subtle. I made a list of 8 ways we self-sabotage, it is not exhaustive, I’m sure there are many more. See if you relate to any of these:
1. Blaming others for your mistakes and failures- If you’re blaming others for your mistakes and failures, you aren’t taking responsibility for your own growth. Finding fault in everyone and everything around you without exploring your contribution to the failure is sabotaging your opportunity to learn from the experience.
2. Procrastinating- Do you put off today what you can do tomorrow? You’re not alone, but typically there is an underlying cause for this behavior and without taking the initiative to investigate, you are sabotaging your goals.
3. Picking fights with your significant other- Have any of your conversations with your partner escalated (seemingly) out of nowhere? Have you felt edgy and defensive around your partner, or do you like to provoke reactions out of people? These are ways we undermine and harm our relationships.
4. Getting into relationships with people who aren’t right for you- Do you gravitate towards the same type of toxic person, each time vowing to select someone different, or do you find a great partner and find ways to ruin the relationship? Self-sabotage shows up in relationships too!
5. Self-critical- Using negative self-talk or disparaging comments to punish yourself when you make a mistake is self-sabotage because your sub-conscious brain is listening, and it believes everything it hears.
6. Avoidance- When you avoid “good for you” situations because you worry no one will like you, or you might say the wrong thing, people might stare at you, there is a risk for failure, or _____ (you fill in the blank), you are sabotaging your emotional and social growth.
7. Quitting early/changes don’t stick- Do you abandon your new healthy eating plan after a month, go to the gym for a few months and suddenly stop? Have you tried a million different diets that never work? Do you commit to quitting smoking or some other substance, but it never lasts longer than a day? Your sub-conscious brain is sabotaging you. It’s not your fault, it’s just keeping you safe.
8. Self-destructive behaviors- Overeating, drinking excessively, and neglecting your self-care are examples of self-destructive behaviors and ways that people self-sabotage.
If you would like to know more about self-sabotage and how to break free from cycles that hold you back, give me a call and we’ll get you to a better place!
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